So many people are talking about the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Well I have to say, I have now finished reading all of them; Every painstakingly written ‘rolling of the eyes’, ‘biting of the lip’, and ‘twitchy palm’ has been read and processed through my (very) kinky mind.
I see the merit in people reading this, the first of which is that it has brought one of my favorite subjects into the mainstream. BDSM is something i feel very passionate about. It is a choice, a lifestyle, just like someone who trains in a gym 7 days a week, that is their lifestyle, mine is BDSM. The second is it has opened discussions between partners that may never have thought of walking a kinky road together, but separately they lusted after that life! Isn’t that a good thing? Well yes, if done with caution and care, and considerable communication! A lot of the scenes that James has described in the book should come with a ‘don’t try this at home’ warning label. Common sense says that people wont, but you know… there’s always that one! 😉
Is BDSM really as EL James has portrayed it in her trilogy though? I would have to say that on the whole there are a lot of inaccuracies to a lifestyler like me. The first of which is that BDSM is not a ‘one size fits all’ thing! What rules Christian lived by in the beginning of the book and how he developed with Ana over the time is an indication of how some D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships roll. Realistically, this series is a fantasy, a love story about two people, who come from different worlds and … hang on, didn’t Shakespeare write something like that? OK so it’s no Shakespeare but the story formula is the same… Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy can live without girl and would do anything to be with her, so he deny’s his family (BDSM) and forgoes his rights (Control) to be with the woman he loves. Its a story as old as time and you know what? It works!
If you truly wish to know more about BDSM and the lifestyle of it there are a lot of places you can go for information. Look up your local event on FetLife.com (like Facebook for kinky people) and get along and meet people at a munch, or venture out to a club, or event and remember that there are no stupid questions, except for the unasked!
Hope this helps you find a catalyst of your own.
*an informal gathering of kinky people who talk about what it is that we do, and meet up with newbies to help guide them into the lifestyle in a non threatening environment – usually a pub/restaurant.